my life.

To actually look back on my blog posts, I realised that I don't really update about my life. When I blog, I usually muse about the more interesting stuff that I think about, usually when I'm travelling alone.

Or maybe my life is just plain boring, but that's another story altogether. ha.

What can I say about my life so far?

I guess the word I'm looking for is 'contented'. I suppose I can be a easily contented person, I don't expect much from the world, and I depend on myself to fight for the things I want.

Going back to be a student again does feel great, but I'm trying to get back into my lost rhythm of studying and thriving under pressure, stress and competition. All my modules I'm taking so far have been alright, and in fact I'm quite enjoying school life. I have signed up for the NUS Community Service Club and will be volunteering at a student care centre near clementi.

There was this one incident that happened not too long ago. I was crossing an overhead bridge towards NUS and I saw these three students from NUS with dyed hair, smoking, and get this, two of which were having their hoodies on their heads! They were like staring at the people who walked past them, as though they were gangsters.

But being me, when they stared at me, I stared back even harder at those buggers. And being uncharacteristically "gangsterish", they didn't dare to stare at me again. Sheesh.

I mean like if you are a university student, you are actually fighting with other top students to secure your degree, and having paid good money, you are supposed to be working hard to do well right? Not behave like gangsters and smoking. If they want to be real gangsters, they should just leave school and join a real gang, and that will open up their eyes as to how lucky they are.

trust (ii).

I have always strongly believed in the saying, "A leopard never changes its spots". One of the truest sayings I have come across. Simple yet it drives the message home immediately.

Simply put, if a person is capable of doing something once, he is always capable of doing the same thing again. True, people can change, but its gonna take a hell of an effort if it is part of your character. A constant effort is needed, and it is always the smallest things that show your true self, your real character.

To trust also requires a hell lot of effort to do so, especially if you know the character of someone. There is always the fear that would make you doubt, the self preservation instinct kicks in and you are at the crossroads.

"What now?" you say, "should I continue to trust?"

These are exactly the sort of things that whittle down the bridge of trust initially established.

How about in the case when you have been betrayed? By the exact thing that you have been fearing. The hurt would be doubled, and you would hate yourself for not listening to your instincts at the start.

Can what is broken be mended so easily? Would you be able to trust again?

At least for myself, when trust is given, and broken, time may heal, but the scars left are permanent. I would need to see positive action and efforts to mend the trust again, if you value my trust. If not, I'm happy that I did not waste anymore effort on you, who is not a worthwhile friend.

What would you demand, to redeem your trust; or would you give your trust freely again?

trust.

What happens when you say you trust someone? Do you just put faith in the person, blind faith even?

When reason overrides emotional attachment, what happens to the faith, hope and trust you placed on that person?

By the principle of conservation of energy, all that emotions has to go somewhere, or turn into other forms of energy.

I would say those emotions will turn into resentment, disillusionment, and more extreme perhaps, hate. The expectation placed on the person is bound by social contract to uphold it.

Trusting someone fully isn't exactly my forte.

How far are you willing to go to earn the trust of people?

disillusionment.

After being quite depressed that I couldn't get my maths module, I went through the list and decided on another module that was 'cheaper', and yay! I got it for just 1 point.

Being in such a system has its own pros and cons, but right now, I'm probably only seeing the cons to it. Failing to get one module would just ensure a panicky reaction, and it would test your resolve as to how to plan your timetable.

Right now, I'm just in plain disillusionment.

In more ways that one. Do I always have to make the first step? Is pride really that important?